Because, to tell you the truth, I’ve been working on this whole prayer thing for years…and I just can’t seem to get a hold of it. So allow me to write a messy, honest, down to the grit post about prayer.
What is prayer? And our typical answer would be “Prayer is talking to God.” And then we move on to pray…we thank God for something, we apologize for any sins we know hurt Him, and we continue with our list of prayer requests for other people and then end with our own. Right? Well, most of the time, I don’t get that far. Most of the time, I can’t even get past those first two sentences….
The fact that God calls me to pray, when prayer is talking to Him, makes me stagger in shyness. Because it reminds me once again of God’s boundless love for me and the rest of His girls and boys. Because it reminds me of my too-often bounded love for God. Too often the love I return back to God is bound by conditions and insecurities. And when I finally comprehend that, I am ashamed. And I cry out to God and apologize and surrender…every time I go to pray. Trying to comprehend the fact that He bids my un-agape soul to come to His throne from which proceeds the vastest love in the universe to bring my requests to Him…it causes me to fall on my knees. Through this heart-prayer, I lay everything at God’s feet.
And this is what has happened almost every time I begin a prayer since I committed my teenage life to learning more about prayer. At times, I think that I should be “further” in my prayer life by now. But what I have learned is this: Sometimes God’s purpose of prayer can be to reveal Himself to us. I have learned so much about the faithfulness of God through this almost awkward journey through prayer. I’m still learning so much about Him, and I have seen Him answer the surrendering prayers of my heart so many times. I’m learning to pray for other people, not just by whispering their names in a so-called “prayer,” but I have learned to pray for other people by lifting up their lives with my heart to God. Trust me, prayer is so much more than the words we say. It is more than the list we write at our prayer meetings. The very substance of prayer is who God is. Think about it. He already knows what you are going to say. But He wants you to come to Him and lay everything at His feet. He already knows how it’s going to work out. But He’s your Father and He wants to commune with you.
Anyway, I’m not sure I’m making sense. Hopefully, some of you will know what I’m talking about when I refer to my wincing at the writing topic. I’m sure there are more experienced posts on prayer. I’m sure there are some honest, beautiful expounding posts on prayer. But I can’t put on a face about it. Allow me to be honest about my personal prayer life and what I have learned. Prayer revolves around God and His Word, not around you and your words.