Tuesday, January 1, 2013

life isn't always

Last night as the 1st official day of January I did some writing (surprise, surprise). Well that's only 'cause I had to, as I've entered another one of those writing things.

So anyway after writing a really depressing scene I went on the JanNoWriMo site to look and see if any of the members on there might want to friend me (now that sounds really bad, but having other writers as friends makes a world of a difference).

So I found this girl called Autumn then I looked on her writing blog just to get more of an idea of who she was. Then I got a shock. She's been dead for five years. Suicide. But to my horror my eyes kept reading. Here is just one of her pieces.

One of the things that really hurt me is that none of the posts have comments, like it was her pouring out her heart screaming for help. And oh how I wanted to help, but I came 5 years too late. I couldn't stop thinking about it, I couldn't get to sleep knowing that there are other people out there like that. People who think that suicide is relief. People who don't believe in happiness. And that is so so so sad so terrible. And I am only just realizing how blessed I am--I haven't lost someone that I really love; two great grandmothers don't really count as I barely knew them.

And as you can see in the poem she was very talented, but she never got to use her gift beyond her 16 years. She never knew the peace and hope that Daddy/God brings. That fact that she wasn't saved tears me to pieces and it is my dearest hope that she met God somehow and that she is finally in true real love but I know that cannot be.

What this taught me is that the beautiful looking world outside the window is really shaded--really, really shaded, deep with shadows and only tiny glimmers of light. We who know there is love desperately need to show the people, the hearts, the lives that are dying that are being destoried. It is not okay that a child should have to stay every night in a house where the keepers despise her.

"Lord, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I'm not scared 'cause you're holding my breath. I only fear that I don't have enough time left to tell the world that there is no time left..."
--Group 1 Crew, Forgive Me

To all the Ivvy's out there, may you find the God of Love, the One and Only, Who cares greatly about you.

first posted on Unfathomed Depths.


  1. Thanks for sharing this. I ache for the Ivvys out there, and lately, have been looking for those who "scream" for help online and yet don't get heard. It's a unique ministry and huge opportunity to share the gospel.

  2. Yes, it makes me want to look at every single blog I come across just in case :/


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